Things I learned from doing a juice cleanse

“Sorry, I can’t come out for dinner – I’m not eating food right now.”

I never thought those words would come out of my mouth. As someone who tends to feed every couple of hours – I have so many snacks shoved in my desk drawer at work just to ward off the possibility that I might feel a bit peckish at some point in the day – the thought of not eating anything for three days was, well, unthinkable.

However, after spending Christmas nearly getting cramp from unwrapping so many Celebrations wrappers the idea of giving my poor body a break and detox seemed like it might be worth a shot. A lot of companies offer juice cleanses, but as Plenish has a three-day cleanse is suitable for beginners, is low-sugar and mainly vegetable-based, I went for that one.

If you’re thinking of doing the same thing, here’s what you need to know:

 

Photo courtesy of Instagram

You’ll need a roomy fridge

The juices will be delivered all in one go on the day you’ve decided to start the cleanse, and need to go in a fridge, stat. I got mine delivered to the office, and didn’t really consider the logistics of fitting 18 bottles of juice into the communal fridge – luckily, as I started this on a Tuesday, it wasn’t rammed full of beer and everything just about fit.

Choose your cleanse days carefully

Check your calendar before you decide on which days you’ll be doing your cleanse – obviously, you won’t want any meals out planned, and you can’t drink alcohol or coffee either, so a lot of the usual forms of socialising will all be out of the question. Unless you’re happy to just sit in a restaurant drinking water, watching as other people eat. Like a psycho.

Cancel any big gym sessions

There’s a lot of advice and FAQs on the Plenish website, and in the little booklet that gets sent with your juices, where it says you’ll be fine to carry on exercising while on the cleanse. In my experience, it’s unlikely you’ll feel up to it. A bit of walking, maybe some yoga is probably going to be as much as you can muster – I attempted to play a netball game, but didn’t end up moving around much (I mean, considering my skill level, this was probably better for my team anyway). Each night I was doing the cleanse, I ended up crawling into bed at 10pm, and found it a struggle to get up even after a solid 8.5 hours sleep – which is a lot more than usual. So it’s safe to say you’re not going to be smashing any weights while you’re powered by juice.

You will be hungry…

But it’s not the type of hunger you get with normal food, just a vague background thought that it would be quite nice to chew something. I was expecting to be teetering on the edge of proper ‘hanger’ the entire time, irritatedly snapping at people and generally being a nightmare – but that wasn’t the case. Well, no worse than usual.

…And cold….

So very cold. Digestion and eating warm food does a lot to keep you warm. Get all your knitwear.

…And tired

I don’t know if there’s some kind of sedative in the final drink of the day (the ‘Build’ juice with almond milk, dates, cashew, vanilla, cinnamon, Himalayan sea salt, filtered water), but on all three days I found it impossible to stay awake much past 10pm, and then found it just as much of an effort to get up the next day. It was a bit weird – but, on the website the cleanse is recommended for people who are experiencing trouble sleeping, so it might well help with that.

But at least you’ll get a fancy glass straw

This comes with the juice delivery – I’m not sure of its significance, but I got oddly attached to it, like a comfort blanket.

You will probably lose weight

The six juices give you roughly 1,100 calories a day, which is likely to be a lot less than you usually consume, so maths’ suggests that you will therefore lose weight. Looking into this a little more, it’s likely that weight is going to be water – mainly from glycogen stored in your muscles, which will be restored once you’re eating normally again. My scales told me I lost 3kg, which is quite a lot in three days, but that’s probably evened out after a week of being excited to eat food again.

You’ll never appreciate chewing more

Once your juice-drinking days are up, you’re free to go back on solids. As your stomach has only been dealing with fruit and veg, it’s advised that you stick to much of the same for the next few days, slowly reintroducing foods like grains, meat and dairy so as not to overload your system. Despite the food restriction, those first meals will probably be the most fantastic thing you’ve eaten for a long time.

But don’t go overboard too fast

It should go without saying that going on a night out when you literally haven’t eaten for three days is a really bad idea. Not that this stopped me. You’ll get ridiculously pissed, have a pretty terrible hangover the next day, and will have basically undone any good effects your cleanse had just achieved. Numpty.

Overall, I can’t honestly say I felt any better or worse after completing this juice cleanse. All of the juices were really tasty, which helps, contain a lot of veg (limiting how sugary they are), and my stomach seemed less bloated. But as for having more energy and feeling ‘better’? Not so much. Giving it a try for three days is unlikely to do anyone any harm, and you never know, it might work for you.

Go Sober For October: Week 2

Wine bottles, photo courtesy of Holgi

You know when people in films wander through the desert and start hallucinating a tropical oasis in front of them? Now that I’m just about halfway through going sober for October, the same thing has started happening with rich, inviting glasses of wine; crisp bubbling beer; the most refreshing gin and tonics. They’re everywhere.

More than missing big nights out with lots of drinking – where the threat of a hangover has so far been enough of a reminder to put me off – it’s actually just the odd glass of wine with dinner that’s becoming a little more difficult to turn down. So I had a little think about why that is – what does that odd glass here and there give you that’s lacking from a soft drink?

It’s mainly the just-about-perceptible stress relief that comes from the subtly warm fuzz you get from that first drink. It eases out the stresses of the working day, lets you relax into the evening and often helps you sleep – plus, if you’re lucky, it tastes pretty great as well. You see? All plusses. It’s really tough to say no to something that basically has no downsides.

But, while you’d certainly enjoy a large glass of wine when you’re out for dinner with friends, try to realise the fact that you don’t need it to feel happy and chilled out. After all, you’re already out having dinner with your friends – you’ll be chatting, laughing and eating nice food whether you’re drinking alcohol or not, which is probably what actually makes you feel good, rather than the drink. And seeing as you’ll have saved at least a fiver by sticking to the soft stuff, it’s all the more reason to stay a little longer and have dessert…

So, while having that one glass of wine doesn’t really have any downsides, not having it has even more plusses. I’m no maths genius, but that seems like a win.

Go Sober For October: Week 1

It’s been seven days; 168 hours (not that I’m counting, much) – and I can proudly confirm that no alcohol has touched my lips. I mean, really, it’s not a very long time, but I was fortunate (or, considering the result, unfortunate) enough to go along to the Rugby World Cup England vs Australia match on Saturday with some very kind people who provided a day’s worth of free champagne.

For anyone who’s been plied with the lure of free alcohol, it’s very difficult to turn down – especially when those around you suggest “Just have a bit and then do an extra day in November” – it’s fair enough, but as it was only day 3, I didn’t think I should break so quickly. Instead, I found a number of ways to make the ordeal less painful:

1. Drink out of a fancy glass. As a new ‘thing’, a plastic bottle of champagne and plastic flutes can now be taken into the stands at Twickenham – not wanting to miss out on the whole experience, I took a champagne flute for myself, but filled it with Diet Coke. I was so engrossed while the match was on, I could honestly have been drinking anything…

Rugby. Champagne flute. Diet Coke.

1. Don’t go for anything too sweet. We met for some food in a nearby pub before the match, where I stuck to lime & soda – it looks and tastes more ‘grown-up’ than a sugary soft drink, meaning you don’t feel like you’re missing out so much.
2. Don’t let being sober cut your night short. There’s no reason why you can’t stay out late, just because everyone else is drunker than you are. Enjoy having silly slurry chats safe in the knowledge that you can blurt out pretty much any stupid thing you like, because it probably won’t be remembered.
3. Remember the benefits. After a few hours on the fizz, few of my group looked like they were going to be up for much the following morning. But I woke up fog-free and went off to the gym…

Bring on the rest of the Go Sober challenge. You can find out more, and sponsor me (if the mood strikes) here – it’s all to raise money and awareness for Macmillan Cancer Support.